


Judas, Are You Betraying the Son of Man With a Kiss?

by littledgykid



Category: Christian Bible
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Bottom!Judas, Crocs, Fluff, Foot Fetish, M/M, Top!Jesus, bad humour, he works in a maid cafe, i swear there's almost no actual fucking in here, i would like to say that they fight god but they're a bit busy with other stuff, is that controversial, jesus is a communist, judas is a catboy, nothing to be ashamed of here, they're actually switches, threesome with satan at one point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29491200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledgykid/pseuds/littledgykid
Summary: the jibbitz are anactualthingi would like to apologise and shift the blame to people who read my tweets, blessalso i concluded they're switches with extensive research, which consisted of a twitter poll where 30 people answered and it was split down the middlethank you so much to my friend thea who gave me a lot of ideas for this and beta read the masterpiece, this is mostly their fault <3
Relationships: Jesus Christ/Judas Iscariot
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	Judas, Are You Betraying the Son of Man With a Kiss?

On a cold afternoon, right after leaving the construction site, Jesus parked his bike outside a maid café on the corner, which was advertising its “cock-ies”, all hand-made on the spot. It was a nice day, one of those where the sun is selfish with its warmth but not its light. His hair was up in a bun, dirty and unwashed. 

The place, “Tokyo Mew Mew”, was mostly empty, the staff looked bored and tired, so he ordered herbal tea as politely as he could and waited for it to be done. The place looked slightly unkempt, colours a bit hard on the eyes, but it was his favourite and the cookies and cakes on its display counter looked delicious and had thick frosting. Someone yelled “Fuck!” and then, immediately afterwards, one of the maids, bowing and calling him “Master” while clutching her hand, put the cup in front of him. He quickly paid and turned away, finding a table near an open window that looked onto the street and right next to around thirty cardboard cutouts of various characters in very promiscuous poses. The café was stuffy and warm, so he took off his ushanka and motor jacket with a huge hammer and sickle patch he spent two days sewing on, which produced a lot of wounds on his fingers, and draped them over the chair. One of the maids dropped a huge plush of Gudetama on the chair across from him, patting its head. Then she turned back to cleaning the spotlights at the stage. 

He feels him, somewhere. He’s learned the words carved into trees and sung by birds, blown by the wind to him. He knows he’s near, but he hasn’t seen him yet. He wonders what he’ll look like now, if he’ll be a he. Will he repeat his bodies, will he look like his last life? But what he’s discovered is that Judas never does. He is always something new, sceptical of his old forms, ready to give them up for something new, even if he doesn’t remember it. Maybe he would regret them if he did. Jesus loved all his lives anyway.

Today on the site he looked around — Judas wasn’t there or he would’ve known, his soul would choke out a cry Jesus recognised with his own. But he couldn’t help but look at the men around him, so often laughing, with rugged faces in warm clothes and those hats they all wore, the thin ones that’d fit under the helmet. He was working, the loud sound drowning out most things, but over it he could hear singing. A voice started it, a voice of a kid, in the same clothes as all of them, but his face was clean and his teeth all white. He felt pressing weight on his chest as he looked onto this child up here with them, singing a song of uncertainty and promise, surrounded by rough hands used to clutching cold bread. 

Whatever. His tea has gotten lukewarm. 

Then he felt it. The whimper answered by his own heart’s scream. He turned quickly, not sure where to look, eyes hazy and unfocused, unsure if he had been crying. Behind the counter, there he was. Tall, taller than he’s ever been, face soft, in a maid outfit with cat ears and collar around his neck that matched the pink details of his dress. And eyes fixed directly on him. 

He was here, after two centuries, he was here again and he found Jesus. 

Judas tried to approach casually, but Jesus knew to recognise the stiffness in his limbs by now, so he smiled warmly to calm him. Judas looked out of the window and then back at him, more collected. He had small pins of anime characters on the waist of his dress, but Jesus didn’t recognise them. They were in military uniforms and he recognised a flag of Germany and Italy somewhere on them. He had to fight the urge of rubbing his waist comfortingly, to let him know it was okay. He didn’t have to try so hard, but Judas didn’t know that. Whatever the reason his soul kept reincarnating, it didn't bring its memories with. At least not right away. 

Judas sat down on the stool beside him, leaning forward, a playful smile on his lips.

“Hi, I’m Judas.” He tilted his head childishly and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Jesus.” He shook his hand and nodded. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“There’s nothing to do here, not unless you want another,” he looked into his cup, inching so close Jesus could smell him now, his jaw clenched. A pink beat-up looking MP3 player dropped out of the pocket of his dress and started playing a nightcore version of Viva La Vida. Jesus picked it up and threw a glance at it as he was handing it back, confirming that it was full of nothing but nightcore versions of pop songs. 

“No thank you, Judas, I’m alright.” He could barely find the strength to look him in the eyes. He felt his insides melting and boiling, threatening to rise and block his air flow.

Judas. Judas. That name.

Judas looked back at him, finding something confusing in Jesus’s eyes that he immediately dismissed and tried to smile playfully but on his face it looked as if he was extremely uncomfortable.

“I love your neon green Crocs™, they match your ‘long haired nature man who hasn’t showered in a while’ aesthetic really well. But you need more Jibbitz™ with them! Though the Shrek one is amazing.”

“You should get a pair as well. We should go together, you can help me pick out some more Jibbitz™.” 

“Yes, please! I guess my grandmother was right when she said I needed Jesus,” he winked. 

Jesus laughed. “I guess you need to listen to your grandma more.”

“Oh no, she’s dead. Heart attack or something. Maybe she met Jesus after that, but I doubt he’s as cute as you.” Judas leaned on the table, running his hand through his hair, pausing at the frame of his cat ears. 

“You aren’t very subtle.”

“I can’t risk not getting your number,” he smiled truthfully. 

Jesus hummed. “I don’t… have a phone.”

“Oh. Oh, okay.” He got up, the bell on his collar jingling. “This is the worst way I’ve ever been rejected, honestly. I know how to take a no.” 

Jesus jumped up and yanked him back by his forearm. “No, no, wait! I really don’t have a phone. I’m not lying to you.”

They were very close now, so close that Judas could probably smell the dirt and sweat on him. 

“Alright.” He stared at him, breathing deeply. “Then what?”

“I work on the site down the street. I’ll be back here tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“You swear on God’s name?”

In a fleeting moment, Jesus was sure Judas remembered, but then he just laughed and nodded. 

“I swear on God’s name.”

Judas’s smile was the thing he missed the most.

***

All week, Jesus came into the café, ordered a tea and sat down by the window. Each time, Judas would sit with him. Sometimes he would sneak up on him, making him jump. Sometimes he would hold his hand. Jesus was so often tempted, more than when Lucifer tempted him for forty days in the desert, because Jesus has been without Judas for two hundred years, a desert worse than any other and he was thirsty. But he didn’t kiss him. Jesus was a sinful man, definitely a selfish one now. But if he indulged, if he let that happen… Then he would have to wait and hope Judas is born again. He was scared of that not happening, so this time, he won’t let Judas kiss him. He was a God and a man, too much of a human. But he will control himself. 

A few weeks later, Jesus picked him up on his bike at the maid café after Judas’s shift was over and they went to a Crocs™ store in the nearby mall. Judas jumped up to tightly hug Jesus who proposed hot pink ones would work with his pink catboy aesthetic the best. Jesus had to take deep breaths to calm down after that.

Judas found two matching religious Jibbitz™, one of a rainbow fish symbol for him and another of a red heart with ‘God loves me’ for himself. They each put the Jibbit™ on the other’s Croc™. 

After a month or so of their rendezvous, Jesus’s buddy from his biker gang mentioned that his sugar daddy passed away and left him his cabin on the mountain not too far away and that he could use it sometime if he wanted. He wasn’t planning on using it anyway because he also left him a beach house and he was always more of a beach person.

The next day, as soon as the maid café opened, Jesus found Judas in the backroom while he was doing his makeup and asked him if he’d be down to go to the cabin with him. They’d go over this weekend, he said. 

So they did. Jesus grabbed the keys from his buddy and they left right after work on Friday. The trip was a few hours long, so Judas told him to sleep while he drove the car and turned down the nightcore version of Thnks fr th Mmrs. Jesus couldn’t sleep though. He was on the edge the whole time, but tried to relax by staring at Judas who focused on driving and not crashing, a thing he reassured Jesus he could do. 

Jesus was scared of what would happen there, scared he knew. He focused on Judas’s features framed by the late afternoon sun, his soft mumble of lyrics and the movement of his body to the song. He loves this man with his whole being, more than anyone was ever loved before and more than anyone had ever loved before. He read the poetry and the stories and he found them both in all those versions of mortals’ deep emotions and acts. They were everything the world could ever be and he was terrified of losing that. Their story deserved a soft epilogue and a kind author. 

As dusk approached, Judas parked in front of the small cabin. It was hilly terrain, and it was surrounded by a thick forest. When they got out of the car, the smell of the woods and sounds of animals quieted Jesus’s fears. They have this night, the two of them. 

Judas brought in their luggage, careful to drop it in the cabin’s bedroom, and then went to explore around it. The inside was cluttered with things but it was the kind of cluttered that had meaning, that felt like a safe, comfortable hug. Jesus sat on the porch, wrapped to the neck in a thick blanket he found in a closet and watched Judas running around the trees and screaming, scaring away all the nearby birds. He would often run to him and jump to hug him, to bring him a branch, a mushroom, a rock, a berry he found. 

“Don’t get lost now!”

Night was quickly approaching and Jesus had to manhandle him back inside. 

He made them dinner, softly singing a tune. Judas hugged him, kissing his temple. 

“I think I love you, you know.”

Jesus’s old and sensitive heart fluttered. “I’m sure I love you, Judas.”

Judas giggled and pushed his head against his back. “Damn.”

“Very.”

After a dinner on the couch while watching the first movie they found on the rustic looking TV which often lost signal, they brushed their teeth and changed into pajamas — Jesus in a pair of pajama pants with “Eat The Rich” and Judas in a T-shirt and booty shorts with ribbons and stars all over them. 

Jesus yelped when Judas lifted him up in his arms and carried him to the bedroom. 

“Ah, am I your bride?” Jesus softly laughed.

“Of course you are, and this is our honeymoon.”

“How lovely.” Jesus kissed his cheek, his beard scratching Judas’s face. 

He lowered Jesus onto the bed, throwing himself right after and accidentally hitting him with his elbow. After a loud “Fuck, sorry!”, they gently knocked their foreheads together and stayed there for a few minutes, watching the other’s face.

Judas touched Jesus’s cheek, slowly stroking it. He ran this thumb over his lips, but when he saw Jesus turn his head, he left it be. Kissing his cheek and neck, he lowered them both into the pillows. 

“Is this alright?”

“Yeah, all good.” Jesus sighed. 

“Top or bottom?”

“Either.” Jesus stroked his hair. “You choose.”

Judas huffed a laugh. “I bottom first, then.”

Judas took his time removing Jesus’s clothes, throwing them on the floor and gently lowering both pairs of Crocs™ next to them. Jesus kissed down his body, humming at the sight of his feet, caressing and complimenting them. Judas moaned at the compliments and soft words that filled the warm cabin in the middle of nowhere. He was coming undone under this wild man’s gaze. Jesus spent some time kissing and nipping at his feet and then moved higher.

“Just.. Jesus!” he groaned when the messiah took him into his mouth. “Not, not like that. Well, I guess like that as well. But… Just, go grab the things.”

“You brought them?” Jesus said, genuinely surprised.

“Of course, they always save my ass,” he giggled. “Being a carpenter, you know how to nail wood and I know how to prepare.” He tried winking at him, but as Jesus was already way ahead with the lube, he got somewhat distracted.

Judas wanted to be one with God. He created his own burning bush that gave him ten new commandments and all of them demanded he cleanse himself with the son of God. He prayed for holy water which is the only thing that could quench his inhuman thirst. His babblings were becoming incoherent now, and he was getting lost in Jesus’s movements. 

“I’ll never forget this, not in any other life. I will carry you in my soul and when we meet again I will know. I promise you.”

Then, Judas kissed him. 

He made the sound of a dying man, reaching his high and then falling down, hard and painful. Gasping for breath, Judas muttered: “Yeshua. My Yeshua.” He gripped Jesus close to him and he started to weep.

Jesus shook his head, rubbing Judas’s side. “Yeudah”, he said, on the brink of tears.

“I’m sorry. I… Yeshua. My love. My highness, my prince. I’m so sorry. Oh Yeshua. I’m so sorry.”

Jesus stayed silent, not sure what to do. He should’ve accepted this would happen, like it always did. He let himself hope and deceive himself. By the morning, Judas will be gone. He hugged him back, deciding to spend the rest of the night with the man he loved, who now remembered all of his lives and how they ended. 

***

In the morning, Judas was gone. And Jesus began waiting once more. 

***

Judas didn’t show up again. Something about his death this time felt permanent and Jesus didn’t know what to do. Could he even die? 

He knew that God and Dog, his father’s new son, were responsible for the torture the two of them have had to go through for millenia. He could try finding Dog, try messaging him somehow. Could try praying to him. 

In the end he decided to contact Dog in the easiest way he found — through his OnlyFans. Dog had a church sanctioned fursona, which was a neon green cat. Before the Tumblr ban, he’d post lewd pictures on there, not telling anyone he’s a son of God. Now, he has OnlyFans, so Jesus messaged him through here. 

Jesus’s first message was begging him not to send any pictures or videos, pretty please, he isn’t messaging him for that. He explained who he was and asked how he can fucking die and if it can happen soon. 

Dog took his time responding, but in the end he sent a _lol_ and ignored him for another couple of hours. 

_give me your number and I’ll call and tell you_

_Don’t have one._

_fucking hell, big bro_

_Dog, please. Judas isn’t coming back this time._

_just go and die on the cross again. gl <3_

_won’t help humanity this time tho, just asked dad_

_he’s super disappointed with you btw_

_And he loves you._

_i know how to lie and cheat ;)_

_Goodbye._

_bye, say hi to lucifer from me_

***

Thankful that the cabin had an axe and strong trees around it, Jesus took two handfuls of sleeping pills and drank half a bottle of wine, then used a nail gun to finish the Dying On the Cross 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Jesus woke up in Hell. It wasn’t the fiery Hell and it wasn’t Dante’s frozen lake. It was just a place. Soon he found out everyone got their special little Hell, but not him and Judas. Lucifer was ‘chewing’ Judas when Jesus first found them, and Judas was enjoying the hell out of it. The other two Dante wrote about weren’t there, probably spending their time in the actual Hell outside of Satan’s bed. Jesus didn’t mind, and he enjoyed seeing Judas get off. 

Turns out Jesus and Judas got a special deal with the fallen angel, and they were under his protection and care in this world. Jesus enjoyed being chewed on too, especially when it was all three of them. Dog would sometimes come to visit “Lucifer and the Sugar Babies”, as he called them, which Jesus had to agree sounded like a band he would’ve listened to. Dog got Satan a red pair of Crocs™ as a matching gift to Jesus and Judas who still wore theirs. It was considered stylish in Hell, after a lot of threatening by Lucifer.

Dog went on to write canon divergence Bible fanfiction and fight God, bringing on the second coming of God’s son, who was busy being fucked by Judas and Lucifer to come in a different, more supportive, way. He later apologised. Dog won anyway and all life on Earth ended. Everyone that wound up in Heaven got to party for all eternity, which excluded the lovely couple — Jesus and Judas stayed in Hell with Lucifer and lived happily ever after, getting their dicks sucked on by mortals who were unfortunate enough to be specifically hated by Dog, like whoever it was that decided on the Tumblr porn ban. That person burns in Hell. 

The End 

**Author's Note:**

> the jibbitz are an [ actual ](https://www.ebay.ca/i/123526440243?var=424078905494) [ thing ](https://www.ebay.com/itm/RELIGIOUS-JIBBITZ-RELIGIOUS-SHOE-CHARMS-MENORAH-JIBBITZ-FISH-JIBBITZ-ICHTHYS-/311745929438)  
> i would like to apologise and shift the blame to people who read my tweets, bless  
> also i concluded they're switches with extensive research, which consisted of a twitter poll where 30 people answered and it was split down the middle  
> thank you so much to my friend thea who gave me a lot of ideas for this and beta read the masterpiece, this is mostly their fault <3


End file.
